Transparency

Where to begin this journey of transparency? How do I begin to share the reality of how heartbreaking addiction can be through the eyes of a child?  I realize in this, that my story is not rare, the reality of having an addicted parent is all to common. Yet each journey, each truly vulnerable moment rests in the heart of the child who lived it. How do I explain the way becoming an adult and mother myself only made me realize the impact of those moments that compile my childhood? Every single one of those moments made me who I am.  So much focuses on the addicts themselves, their struggles, their sobriety, their “moments”. I was often left feeling such a lack of validation for my “moments”, my struggles. There was such a consistency in having to be the bystander as my mother carelessly created moments for us. The truth is, in some ways she became my addiction, the worry and fear, there was so much of it, I had no idea who I was without it.  I was her sidekick, her constant source of love and devotion, but too often I was more the adult than she was. And as I became an adult myself, I felt the pressure of that reality more and more.  Now that I have walked through the first year since my mothers death, I realize I need to truly heal. For me the healing comes in the transparency of my moments, and although sharing may become difficult, the truth and release of it all is something that there is no shame in, only peace. So this is where I begin……

3 thoughts on “Transparency

  1. Im so very proud of you and your amazing abilities to express your feelings ! This is your moment of release , resentment , forgiveness , power , sadness , happiness, laughter and tears. You inspire me and I know this blog will be a healing tool 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Heather, my truly amazing friend. I cannot be more proud of you for taking this tremendous step in your healing process. You have so much to offer this world because of the journey that you had with your mother and because of the journey you are on now after… Your friendship, your honesty about your relationship with your mother, and the genuine desire you have to help others has helped me immensely in dealing with my own relationships with my formerly addicted parents and ex-husband. I know you get it and that is comforting… I pray that through this blog you will find that healing that you deserve and in the process you will help others to see that they too will be fine and can rise above and break the cycle of dysfunction that addiction brings with it and leaves in it’s wake. Thank you for being you… I love you.

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  3. Heather, your writings are raw and real. Journaling has help me to express my feelings that are sometimes so hard to identify.I share your pain….Annette

    Liked by 1 person

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